Thursday, 1 August 2019

Creature, I name you Anxiety! - Facing your demons and removing their power

I recently I had a wobble. A crisis of confidence. I am not even sure where it came from but I cried. I cried a lot. I was tired because this underlying anxiety I feel most days wiped me out. I was tired from trying so damn hard to be 'normal' but then a good friend reminded me that there is no such thing as normal.

I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to pretend the anxiety doesn't exist because it isn't pretty. I convinced myself that nobody wants to hear about my struggles because it made me feel guilty that it makes them feel awkward.

Guilt is a huge underlying feeling for me because I never want to feel like I am putting someone else out. Like I am making someone else feel bad. Instead I beat myself up and internalise my feelings. I am working on taking that pressure off myself one day at a time and my CBT has really been helping. 

Anxiety, as my CBT therapist so brilliantly put it "likes to bring you down, the more down you are the happier anxiety is" it is its life goal. By acknowledging the anxiety and almost naming it you are calling it out. Remember in Doctor Who (any fans here) where he says "Creature, I name you Carrionite" followed by "I named her. The power of a name. That's old magic" He has called aliens out with their names a few times over the years each time with great results.

Now I am no sonic wielding time traveller but I am never one to ignore a Doctors orders. Call out that dark creature, learn all you can about it and take its power away! Of course, I joke, this is just fiction but can totally be applied in real life. 

The next step for me is to try and fill my life with positivity to outweigh the negatives that anxiety fills my brain with. I am reminding myself every day that my younger self would be immensely proud of the woman I have become. She wanted so hard to have a family of her own, a boy and a girl (luck sent me those treasures) and a caring husband in a beautiful house in the country side. We have that and I am grateful for it every day. 

I am also grateful for the strength I have inside to keep fighting those inner demons and not running away and hiding from them. I am working on a better, happier future for myself and for that I am proud.

1 comment:

  1. I have suffered with anxiety for years it can be completely crippling at times x


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